Have you seen the New Balance commercials depicting people in relationships with running… breaking up with running… making up with running… getting up early to run… fighting with running? I am in one of those relationships. Running is one of the hardest things I do, the ultimate love/hate relationship for me. Every run I go on, is grueling. I want to quit every run by the time I get to mile three. Every step is a battle. I think to myself “What are you doing? This is miserable. I can’t breath. My quads hurt. Kodi (my dog) has to pee on every single landmark we pass, why do I bring him? Look at that fool across the street, he is totally kicking my ace at this running thing. I’m not a runner, I don’t have the body of a runner, I’m short and I have short legs, why do I do this?” It’s hard, and I’m a freaking asthmatic… it’s miserable. It’s hot, it’s cold, it’s wet, it’s snowy, it’s icy, the sun beats down on me, the wind blows in my face, it’s early, it’s late. I never win, and I doubt I will ever win a single race I enter. Scratch that, I can guarantee I will never win a race I enter. Cass (love you girl!) won an entry for me for this year’s Ogden Marathon. I could choose any race I wanted, so I decided to try and beat my time from last year’s half marathon. Why?!?!? Last year I trained for over three months… this year I have less then a month and a half and I’ll be honest, I can count how many times I ran in the past four months on two hands. I hardly have the time to run anymore. I’ve been trying to train religiously, but I gotta be honest… I ran twice last week. Twice! Not good training for a half marathon that is quickly approaching. I’m starting to freak out. HATE. I hate running.
I push myself past mile three and something happens. Endorphins maybe? I fight past my three mile wall and all of the sudden I feel like I can run forever. I remember why I do it, why I take the challenge. I can do hard things… I’ve done much harder things then running before. Impossibly hard things… running is nothing. I set a goal to run a certain amount of miles and I do it, no matter how hard it is. No matter how hard my heart is beating, no matter how desperately my lungs are begging me to stop, not matter how annoyed I get at Kodi, no matter how red my face gets or how many people pass me. I don’t run for them, and I don’t run to win. I don’t run to be the best out there and I don’t run to give my dog exercise. I run for me. I run for the sense of accomplishment. I run to show myself I can do it. In one five mile run I can go from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. It’s still hard for me to consider myself a runner, it’s just something I do. Something I can do and somethings I will do. I finish my run and aside from feeling like I may, at any moment, collapse, I feel euphoric. I did it. It was hard, but I didn’t give up. I wanted to give up… oh how I wanted to give up but I didn’t stop. I’m going to run the Ogden Half Marathon on May 16th. It’s going to be hard, but I’m going to do it. I wont’ stop. LOVE. I love running.