***Warning, this post contains graphic material and may not be suitable for children***
Living in a house that is under post-fire construction has its perks. No, no, no, wait, I mean disadvantages. The past three days, I have come to realize just how much I love the simple things in life. Simple things like shower curtains, pillows, couches, dining room tables, ovens and stove tops, knowing where the extra toilet paper is, not sleeping in my brothers bed, the Kodi dog, parking in my driveway, etc. For this post, let’s pick one of those areas to focus on.
How about… oh… say… knowing where the extra toilet paper is.
We currently have two functioning bathrooms. One across from my temporary room and one in my parents room. Last night I was performing my nightly bedtime rituals of teeth brushing, taking out my contacts, and just as I was about to take a leak, I noticed there was a brown cardboard roll where my toilet paper should have been.
“No prob bob,” I thought. I’ll use my parents bathroom! I wandered over to their bathroom, found the toilet and did my business. Time to wipe. I reach for the tp and to my horror, I saw ANOTHER cardboard tube! This tube had a one inch by one half-inch scrap of wiping material on it.
“Oh drat! Mom! There’s no toilet paper in here! Do you know where any more is?” She didn’t have a clue. I sat and pondered for a short moment. As I weighed my options, my eyes rested upon a blue box of Puff Plus tissues. Eureka! Nothings better than wiping with Puffs Plus because, let’s be real now, they’re puffy.
I waddled across the bathroom, snatched the blue box, and waddled back… not without incident… but we wont get into that today. I re-seated myself and pulled out a couple of Puffs and… wait for it… did what a girl does when she’s done taking a leak. It was puffy and soft and… tingley?? I kid you not, I started tingling! My mind raced to figure out a cause and in a mere five seconds I had it all figured out. “Menthol!” I yelled and my mom exploded into a hysteric mixture of laughter and tears.
“Oh, those are the Puff’s with Vicks in them!” my mom managed out amidst her laughter.
I did not I just wipe my private area with Vicks Vapor Rub infused tissues. Oh wait, yes, yes I did.
I guess if lady-parts are anything like sinuses, mine are all cleared out.
Lesson learned: be careful what you wipe with (unless you like that sorta thing).